Ramakrishna once said.. There is a beautiful garden of mango trees with ripe mangos which are VERY SWEET.
The westerner enters the mango grove. He has calculator and note book and ruler and scale.
He measures each tree. He counts the trees. He tests the soil. He looks at the history of rainfall. He estimates the future production of mangos for next 10 yrs.
But Ramakrishna says "I just come, and lay back against a tree trunk, and gaze at sky and eat sweet mangos."
This story of Ramakrishna is very important, very instructive.
Can you see that my life, my dream, my moods are the mango which has been given to me?
But when you ask me "How does your mango taste?", "What does it do in your stomach?", "Shouldnt it be vitamin enriched?"
Well, what can I say! It is totally subjective. It is MY mango. Even if I wanted to, I cannot truly share that subjective experience. And if I try too hard to share and explain, then I have stopped eating my Mango for that interval of time.
To even use the words "on track.. off track." is pullling out the ruler.. and the calculator in the mango grove.
Just as when they asked Ghandi "what is your message to future generations? ", and he answered with a surprised look, "MY LIFE is my message."
Do you see how very subjective Ghandiji was being.
But the reporter was very "western" and analytical.
So even what I am expressing here with story of mango grove and Ghandi, that is me, me now, it is neither right nor wrong.. neither on track nor off track.
The desire for Moksha (Liberation, Salvation) is IN ITESLF an impediment to Liberation.
The west is filled with ruler-calculator desire.
We may ask ourselves "IS REALITY ORGANIZED?" or "IS the UNIVERSE ORGANIZED CORRECTLY?"
Well, you see, reality, universe, consciousness, is what it is for each of us, subjectively, and perhaps that differs for each of us.
For us,. in a sense, the very concept of organization, order is Maya, Illusion.
As that famous prayer of Shankaracharya "O Thou from whom all words recoil bounce off so the moment there is speech.. it becomes inadequate.. and limiting.
I have heard about a scripture called the "Anugita".. in which Arjuna returns to Lord Krsna and says O Lord Krishna.. my experience with You that day on the battle field.. my spiritualized vision.. of your Universal Form (Satsvarupa)
Now the memory of that glorious vision grows dim, cloudy, distant. Such KRIPA, such grace, to see Your Universal Form. And even though I could not endure that vision and begged you to return to your four armed form, yet what I yearn for and desire is the UNENDING constantly fresh experience, BLISS, ananda.
We each have Fleeting moments insights but we seek to make them CONSTANT AND UNENDING.. ABIDING.. eternally abiding within the fleeting temporal.
The westerner asks "Does God exist?" but the easterner says "Existance and non-being flow forth from the smallest finger of my Lord's left hand."